200+ Sarcastic Quotes and Sayings for WhatsApp

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery,
But in your case,
Go ahead.

Silence is golden.
duct tape is silver.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

 People say that laughter is the best medicine…

your face must be curing the world!

Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.

You go girl! And don’t come back.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction

My friends are so much cooler than yours.
They’re invisible.

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

You: I’m going to be a comedian one day!
Me: *Bursts into fits of giggles*
You: Whats so funny?
Me: *gasps* oh! you were being serious, i’m sorry.

You: “Why are you here?”
Me: “Well… Heaven didn’t want me,
And hells afraid I’ll take over.”

I’m smiling…that alone should scare you.

You sound better with your mouth closed.

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever

Look at you your in perfect shape……………for a circle

Your just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Expect nothing and you’ll never be dissapointed!

I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone… I realized I can do so much without you.

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.
“Don’t make me hit you again!”
“You’re going to hit me again? No, don’t do that! I might not survive!”
Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!!

Police pulls over a speeding car ;
COP: I’ve been waiting for you all day.
DRIVER: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could.

Boy: “You’re not my type.”
Girl: “Why, cause I can read??”

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

You’d be in good shape…if you ran as much as your mouth.

Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then It must be none of your business.

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane…

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

Sure I’ll help you out…the same way you came in.

You: Go to Hell!
Me: See you there.

Think I am sarcastic?
Watch me pretend to care!

Teacher: We are going to play the quiet game.
Student: Are you playing too?

Person 1: ” You did not just do that!!”
Person 2: “no? watch I’ll do it again!!”

>Attempting to give a damn…
>Unable to give a damn…
>Stopping…
>Process failed!
[Damn not given]

Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty…

You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid… Then I met you.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Question: Do you know who I am????
Answer: No, Why? Have you forgotten?

You: Do you want a piece of my mind?!
Me: Oh no, I couldn’t take the last piece.

You: OMG did you just fall.?
Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face.!

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

You have no one to blame but yourself…Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.

If had a dollar for evry smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

See this hand?
It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you.

Here let me drop whats imprortant to me and pay attention to you and all of your needs.

A boy is hammering nails onto the table:
Mom: What are you doing?!

That’s a pretty dress…too bad you couldn’t find it in your size.

Sitting in the cinema
Person1: Oh My God! Did you just see that?
Person2: Nahh, I paid $12 just to stare at the freakin roof. “?”

You’re unique just like everyone else!

Yawn…
oh no … Keep talking … I always YAWN when I’m interested…:)

 Person 1 : Watch my stuff.

Me : Why? Is it going to do a trick.

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?

Find your patience before I lose mine.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?